Labour’s actual members “to get a seat at the table”, says Owen Smith


Former pharmaceutical lobbyist and Labour leadership contender, Owen Smith, has promised that dissident radicals, otherwise known as ‘grassroots Labour supporters’, would get a “seat at the table” in a Labour-run Labour party, it has been revealed.

Owen Smith ISIS seat at the table
The last ditch attempt to appear remotely inclusive to anyone with a soul came at a recent Labour Hustings, during which the the smarmy nonentity debated fellow contender and current Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn.

He commented: “It’s OK if you want to be a lefty. We’ll still, of course, accept your vote provided it’s, you know, for me.”

To a stunned crowd, the MP for something called Pontypridd admitted that grassroots party followers which support the party’s eventual leader, could even be involved in shaping Labour policy – something everyone else thought happened already. He explained: “In my opinion, these things more often then not come down to sitting down and talking about it. Not before ignoring the people we didn’t want to have to listen to in the first place, you understand.”

“It’s called democracy. Can’t I just win already?

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Owen Smith to “un-resign” from being an unpopular dick


Unpopular Labour leadership hopeful, Owen Smith, has “un-resigned” from being a contemptuous bellend and is pressing on with the matter in hand, it has emerged.

Owen-Smith
The Machiavellian fuckwit, Smith, whose past glories range from supporting Jeremy Cobyn outright, to ignoring the majority of the party’s members completely within six months, has re-stated his intentions to dislodge Labour’s democratically elected leader.

Feigning interest in having a credible mandate from the voting public, Mr Smith shrugged: “I know it might look like the most sensible, rational thing to do is listen to the party and leave this futile race, which I alone started months ago. But I’ve reconsidered.”

“I believe we can have a different Labour party. One where we can all come together under what me and my friends decide is best for you lot, rather than these loathsome dickheads who bang on about their £25 quid.”